Memoriam: Memories of Verna (2009)

Memories of Verna

By Elsbeth Dillon

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Rick asked me to share some of my thoughts and memories of Verna. As I made dinner, I thought of my dear friend and sister-in-law- and I felt I could not possibly condense a friendship of over 3 decades into a few words. I chopped the onions and reflected how I always admired Verna's ability to chop vegetables. Chop, chop, chop, chop- just like a professional chef- and never once did I see her nick her fingers.

I remember the first time I met Verna. I was in nursing school in Spokane, and the Pattisons ( family friends) had invited me to dinner. Rick and Verna I knew were moving from Washington,DC to Washington state- but I did not know they would be at the Pattisons. Wow! Rick with his wife and baby daughter!!!I I was so thrilled to see them all, and meet Verna and baby Ingrid- and see Rick as a happy family man. Verna showed me how her clever infant daughter could stick out her tongue on command. I was so impressed! It never occurred to me a baby could do that. I knew this woman was a kindred spirit.

These thoughts come easily as I make my "thrown together at the last minute" meal. I notice I am chopping with more style, after remembering Verna's technique. I am chopping carrots now, and thinking of the road trip Verna and I took. I graduated from nursing school and decided to look for fame and fortune in San Francisco, where my former college roommate was residing. Ingrid was about 3 and Verna was pregnant with Morgan. I search my brain now, and I can't imagine why Verna agreed to do this, other than she really ,really liked me. I do not like to drive, and somehow, pregnant Verna - with a toddler- drove 90% of the way from Spokane to San Francisco.

We had a tire blow out in Northern California. The car did a 360 degree turn. No one was hurt. There was a lot of dust , and we literally had to wait for the dust to settle to figure out where we were in the road. We were facing the right direction, and in the median. Then a weird thing happened. If these fellows were guardian angels, they were tough guardian angels. Two men got out of a car and said firmly, " We are going to change your tire". They had guns strapped to their waists. We said " Sure , you bet! No problem!" There was no further conversation. They changed the tire and then they left. Verna and I looked a little wide-eyed at each other, and drove to the closest hotel to spend the night.

Verna taught me a lot about cooking. She was fearless in trying new recipes- or maybe I should say "new flavors". Neither one of us was great at following a recipe in great detail. We made up a rule- if you substitute 3 ingredients or more, you have created a new recipe. She taught me how to cook confidently ." It's just food- if it doesn't turn out, no big deal." Funny, I don't remember anything NOT turning out.

Okay- I am still making dinner and I am cutting potatoes now. Verna also strongly influenced my mothering style. I remember, before I had children, being horrified when Verna punished BOTH daughters for some transgression. " Why did you punish both?" I asked. Obviously , one child had been naughty and the other was innocent. Verna said ," It doesn't matter. This way I don't have to waste time trying to figure out who did what. It stops one child from tattling on the other, if both children get punished- and the children are more likely to work together." I disagreed, until I had two children. Boy, that was a great solution! It stops a lot of bickering, and a busy mom doesn't have to sort it out, and the kids equal out their naughtiness.

I am slicing the Polish sausage. I think how much I am going to miss my good friend. I wish she were here with me. Then I looked down at the dinner I have made, and start crying and laughing at the same time. Without any conscious thought, I see that I have made Sailor Stew!!!!. Sailor Stew is delicious and one of the many dishes Verna taught me. I guess she has been with me all along as I composed these thoughts.

Verna , I will miss you, but you are in my heart forever.

With love,
Elsbeth

Memoriam: Memories of Verna by Brenda Marjaniemi (2009)

My Memories Of Verna Richter

Brenda Marjaniemi

April 7, 2009

We rang the door bell, Elsbeth opened the door then Verna appeared. I can still see Verna’s smile on greeting both my husband and me. I can hear her boisterous laugh and her warm welcome when inviting us in. I immediately liked her. It has been over 30 years since I first met Verna Richter. Verna’s husband who worked in the same building, as my husband, had invited us to a party at their house.

We discovered that our children were the same ages, and that we had both enrolled them, in the same Montessori preschool. For 6 years, which at the time seemed never ending, we often ran into each other in the parking lot at the Montessori preschool. We joked that we would be driving to the Montessori preschool, forever.

Verna suggested, that we set up a weekly meeting for coffee, a time just for us, while our children were at school. Maybe, it was her smile or the sound of her deep laughter that was so contagious. Verna loved life. I always left our coffee dates feeling good. Our meetings came to an end when my family moved out of state. By this time, our children were in high school, and the Montessori days had ceased long ago.

A warm glow permeated the kitchen of the Richter’s log cabin home as Verna made her last minute preparations for their yearly thanksgiving dinner. We were always invited to these gatherings along with the Richters many friends and relatives. I remember looking at their black and white decorations, Verna’s favorite colors; and their extensive collection of books. Verna was smart no doubt about it. Their whole family was smart. The evenings always ended with the fall of the first snow. The children, including my own, would grab their coats and boots and run outside. I am thankful for these happy memories watching our young families grow.

Verna was a true friend. Though she knew us both, she never questioned my part or the circumstances when my marriage fell apart. She was accepting, and supportive. She never offered advise.

I remember how hard she worked, to help support her family. One could always hear strength in her voice. Her whole life to the end reflected her strength of character.

When Verna lost her sight due to the effects of diabetes, she made light of it. She laughed and pointed out the advantages. “I cannot see my wrinkles, I cannot see the dust and dirt collecting.” She said she missed being able to just sit, and read a good book. In retirement, she mentioned that she spent a lot of time thinking. She laughed as she said, she never had the time before, to just think.

In the past years, though we were separated by distance, we continued to keep in contact through Christmas cards, and once in awhile a phone call. Her voice is what I hear when I think of her, forever cheerful. She often said, she missed our coffee dates. I did too. No one could take her place. When ordering the sympathy flowers, following her death, my tears unexpectedly flowed. Verna left the world a better place by her presence here.